


Blossoming Trust in a Budding Relationship

by angelofthequeers



Series: Beelicious [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Backstory, Castiel Has Issues, Castiel has Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Flowers, Homeless Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Kissing, Language of Flowers, M/M, Only a non-graphic mention of the physical one but still, Past Abuse, Past Infidelity, Physical Abuse, Protective Dean Winchester, Romance, Sorry fam not much fluff in this one, Supportive Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 10:46:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11439237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelofthequeers/pseuds/angelofthequeers
Summary: Cas' exes were bound to make an appearance sooner or later...In which Cas' trust issues and anxiety finally boil over, and he comes to realise that Dean isn't going anywhere and that he JUST may have found the Right One.





	Blossoming Trust in a Budding Relationship

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own SPN.
> 
> I really love Balthazar (and Gabriel), in case you couldn’t tell

“Cas,” Dean breathes, hands firmly kneading Cas’ ass through his sweatpants. Cas just groans and continues to slowly grind against Dean, maintaining their languid pace as he slowly and carefully sucks a hickey into the skin above Dean’s pulse point. One harder than intended nip elicits a sharp groan from Dean, who pulls Cas’ body down against him even harder and ruts up as Cas thrusts down.

Once he’s satisfied with his handiwork, Cas kisses up Dean’s jaw and across his cheek, before taking the lobe of Dean’s ear between his teeth and nibbling. Dean groans again.

The next thing Cas knows, the world spins before him as Dean rolls them over and crushes their lips together, thrusting against Cas in a far faster pace than before. Cas indulges him, humming into the kiss and reaching up to thread his fingers through Dean’s hair –

And that’s when it hits. Suddenly, Cas can’t breathe at all, like Dean’s sucking all of the air out of his lungs. But that’s not Dean anymore. Dean isn’t this pushy, doesn’t demand and take, can recognise when Cas has had enough and backs off –

But Dean isn’t stopping. He’s kissing harder and rutting faster. Why isn’t he stopping?

“Dean –” Cas chokes when Dean pulls back for air. To his surprise, Dean just grins at him, his face slightly surreal as Cas’ vision starts to swim slightly.

“‘S okay, Cas,” Dean says with another kiss. Cas whimpers. “I got you.”

“Dean – please – stop it –” Cas starts trying to wriggle away, but his hips grind against Dean’s and then he’s even more trapped as Dean takes this as a go-ahead to increase the pace, obviously thinking that Cas means to stop teasing –

And then it’s not Dean above him any longer. It’s a different man, an oily smile on his face as he kisses and nips at Cas’ mouth, deaf to Cas’ attempts to escape.

“It’s quite alright, Castiel,” Arthur says, his voice a mockery of the soothing tone he had been amazing at utilising whenever he comforted Cas. “It feels good, doesn’t it? Do stop struggling. You’re so precious like this, lying underneath me. So darling and dear when you submit.”

Blind panic surges through Cas.

“GET OFF!” he screams, lashing out with his knee. He’s distantly aware of a pained grunt but the sound barely registers; all that matters now is getting out of there, escaping before it gets worse –

But someone’s got him around the waist and is holding him tightly. His heart races even faster, bile rising in his throat as the world flashes and slips in and out of focus –

“LET ME GO!” he bellows, struggling as hard as he can.

“Cas!” a familiar voice says. “Calm down – breathe! It’s me! Dean!”

Dean. It’s Dean. That name is Good. Dean won’t hurt him.

“Cas, focus – focus on my hands, okay? You’re okay. You’re safe. Just breathe with me. In…out…in…out…”

The arm around his waist disappears, though two hands then take his and squeeze. Cas forces himself to focus on that sensation, squeezing back and gulping in air as the hands then squeeze again. This back and forth game of hand squeezing slowly but surely grounds him, rooting him in reality as he breathes in time with the voice’s instructions.

Finally, the world slides back into focus enough for him to make out Dean’s terrified face in front of him. Cas frowns and looks around. Where’s Arthur? He’d been here just a minute ago!

“Ar-Arthur,” he croaks, squeezing Dean’s hands so hard that he’s probably cutting off the circulation. Dean frowns.

“Arthur? Your ex? He’s not here.”

Cas draws in a shaky breath. When Dean cups his face, he flinches away.

“Cas? What’d I do? What happened?”

“I – too fast – tried to stop – but you wouldn’t –” Cas sniffles, then meets Dean’s horrified eyes. “You didn’t stop, Dean!”

“Oh my god,” Dean whispers. “Cas, I’m so sorry – I didn’t realise –”

“You always know when to stop! And I asked – you wouldn’t –”

Another anxiety attack is rising up inside him. With tremendous effort, Cas forces it away and grabs fistfuls of his bed covers to ground himself.

“I’m so sorry, Cas – you gotta believe me, if I’d known –”

“But I asked you to stop.” This comes out in a broken whisper. When Dean reaches out to take Cas’ hands, Cas jerks away.

“Cas –”

“Go.”

That one word freezes Dean in his tracks.

“Cas?”

“Just…go, Dean. I need to be alone.”

“No, you shouldn’t, not after –”

“I SAID GO!” Cas jumps off the bed so fast that he resembles lightning, pointing a trembling finger at his bedroom door. “GO!”

Dean’s rooted to the spot for a moment more. Then, the look on his face so pitiful that Cas would kick himself if he wasn’t still so high-strung, he nods slowly.

“Okay,” he says, gathering up his vase of ranunculus flowers. “Okay. You got my number, Cas. Call me if you need me.”

Cas’ eyes are glued on him as he crosses over to the door. He pauses, looking back.

“I just really don’t think you should be alone,” he says. “Not after –”

“Please.” Tears start to slide down Cas’ cheeks as the dam he’s trying to hold up finally starts to collapse. “Just…go, Dean.”

For a moment, he thinks Dean’s not going to obey. But then the man nods and leaves. Cas is stock still as he listens to Dean in the living room, gathering up his things and then leaving. The minute the front door clicks shut, Cas sprints out so that he can lock it.

That’s when the tears finally break free and he slides down to the ground, hugging his knees to his chest as he sobs loudly, nausea churning in his stomach.

* * *

 

The rest of the day passes in a haze, and Cas still feels slightly unreal on Monday morning as he opens up Beelicious for business. He’s out of it as he takes orders and makes suggestions and sells his flowers, forcing an unwavering fake smile on his face so as not to scare customers away with his inner turmoil.

Rationally, he knows Dean would _never_ hurt him. The man had been _horrified_ upon finding out what he’d accidentally done to Cas. And yet…

Arthur had been nice at first. He’d showered Cas with attention and praise; made him feel like he mattered, like he was special. He’d been the perfect boyfriend. And then he’d turned.

Dean’s also been the perfect boyfriend. He’s been so sweet and amazing, doting on Cas and being patient enough to put up with his issues. The issues caused by Arthur, who had also been perfect. And Cas wants desperately to believe that Dean’s different, that he’s nothing like Arthur…but how can he, when he can’t stop seeing the similarities between them?

“Hey, are you okay?” his customer asks him, dark eyes crinkled in sympathy. Cas pastes a wide smile on his face.

“Oh, yes,” he says. “Sorry, I was just deep in thought. Would you mind repeating your question?”

To Cas’ horror, Dean still comes around at the same time that he always visits.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says quietly. Cas swallows and pretends to be fixing his display of yellow roses. “I brought you a cookie.”

Cas closes his eyes as Dean holds out a brown paper bag.

“Just leave it on the counter,” he rasps. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Dean nod.

“Cas…I’m so fucking sorry. If I’d known –”

“I’m working. I don’t have time to talk.”

Cas knows that hits Dean hard; he _always_ has time to talk during this hour, so they both know that Cas just doesn’t want to speak to him. Of course, Cas has to open his big mouth and make it worse.

“If you aren’t a paying customer, I’d like you to leave,” he says. Dean reels back like he’s been struck, the sight stabbing Cas painfully in the heart. But he refuses to give in. He can’t – he just can’t –

“I’m sorry,” Dean murmurs. Cas closes his eyes until he hears the bell ding, then buries his face in the roses and tries not to break down in tears at work.

* * *

 

For the rest of the week, Dean comes in every day at the same time to bring Cas his usual baked treat and apologise, though he’s always respectful enough to leave as soon as Cas asks. On Thursday, Cas actually nearly gives in and asks him to stay and be forgiven, but he chickens out at the last minute and asks Dean again to leave.

He’s so conflicted. On the one hand, he wishes Dean would just _leave him alone_. He can’t _trust_ Dean. He’ll get hurt all over again if he allows Dean back into his life.

But on the other hand…nobody’s ever made this effort for him. The fact that Dean keeps coming in and apologising is something he’s totally unused to. Arthur would make snide comments until Cas came back out of guilt; Meg would simply go and find companionship in others until Cas begged for her to come back so that he wouldn’t be lonely; and Inias had just thought that he was overreacting and walked out, claiming that he ‘wasn’t equipped to deal with this’.

But Dean? Dean’s trying _so_ hard. And that thought terrifies Cas, because what if Dean is serious? What if he decides to forgive Dean? He’ll have to let the man back in, which means letting Dean get even _closer_. And _that’s_ what’s terrifying. If things go wrong with Dean, he’s scared out of his mind that he’ll be shattered; and not because ‘my boyfriend left me, I am co-dependent’ but because ‘I let someone in again and they broke me again’.

He spends the whole of Friday in indecision, barely even talking to Dean when the man comes in, and it all comes to a head on Saturday afternoon, when he’s close to closing up his shop for the day.

“Cas.”

He stiffens.

“Dean. It’s twelve o’clock. Shouldn’t you be at work? You swapped your Sunday shift for Saturday.”

“Bobby let me take my break early. Look…just hear me out, okay? And I swear, if you still don’t want a bar of me after, I’ll leave and I won’t come back.”

Out of reflex, Cas nearly tells Dean to leave again. But the only thing that stops him is his brain reminding him that Dean had been _so_ amazing to him as a boyfriend, and he at least owes Dean a chance.

“You have five minutes.”

He crosses over to the store entrance to lock up, then leans against it and crosses his arms. His stomach drops at just how bad Dean looks; his skin is pasty and he’s got bags under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept properly in a while, and his mouth seems to have acquired a new droop.

“Look…there’s no excuse, Cas.” Dean runs a hand through his hair. “I’m so fucking sorry. I should have stopped as soon as you said so…I just thought you meant to stop teasing you. I should’ve remembered that we were takin’ things slow. I just…didn’t realise I’d set you off.”

Cas can’t help but soften slightly. It honestly seems like a mistake…but he still can’t shake off the similarities between Dean and Arthur. An idea suddenly occurs to him.

“Come back to my apartment this afternoon,” he says. “I’ll…tell you everything.”

“Cas –”

“You deserve to know.”

“Only if you _want_ to tell me! You don’t have to tell me outta some sort of obligation!”

“Dean, you deserve to know. I haven’t been fair, expecting you to navigate my issues without making it easier for you. I just…I’ll decide then, okay? I need the rest of the afternoon to clear my head.”

Dean looks down and nods. Cas wants nothing more than to gather the man in his arms and kiss him, and it takes everything he’s got to resist.

When Cas returns to the counter to start counting the till, he’s slightly surprised when Dean doesn’t follow him. Maybe Dean’s gone back to work. Maybe he’s just gone out to clear his head. So it comes as a surprise when, two minutes later, he approaches the counter with a bunch of apple blossoms in hand as Cas finishes counting the money.

“Here.” He gingerly places the flowers on the counter, along with the correct change. “I’ll…see you tonight, Cas.”

Cas remains rooted to the spot as the bell dings, eyes fixed on the apple blossoms. ‘Preference. Better things to come. Good fortune’. Is this Dean’s way of saying that he hopes that they don’t break up?

In that moment, Cas is so deep in confusing love and so terrified that he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

* * *

 

From the moment he gets home, Cas spends the rest of the afternoon in a restless, anxious state. He’s cleaned his already tidy apartment, arranged the apple blossoms five times, and started an early dinner of macaroni and cheese by the time Dean’s knocking on his door, and he has to take a deep breath and gulp in order to compose himself.

The man on his doorstep is subdued; a far cry from the last time he’d been standing in this spot.

“Hey, Cas,” he says quietly. Cas looks down and steps aside to let Dean in.

“Hello, Dean. Just sit down while I finish off dinner.”

Cas isn’t sure whether to be grateful or not that the mac and cheese is nearly ready. There’s no point in prolonging this conversation but, at the same time, he sort of wishes that he really didn’t have to do this.

“I’m not hungry,” Dean says when Cas sets a bowl of mac and cheese down in front of him.

“That’s rubbish. Just eat, Dean.”

For a few minutes, the only sounds that can be heard are those of spoons clinking against bowls and the two men chewing, as neither of them seem to want to break the silence.

“I’m sorry,” Dean finally says. “I can’t say that enough, Cas. I’m just so sorry.”

“I need to shoulder some of the blame as well, Dean. I should have been clearer when I said no.”

“Dude, you were panicking. I honestly don’t blame you.”

“Well…I shouldn’t have kicked you out. I should have explained everything then.”

“Again, man, you were panicking. You needed to sort your head out. Look, quit trying to take the blame, okay? You’re not at fault here.”

Cas takes a deep breath and puts his empty bowl down on the coffee table.

“I think it’s time I told you about my exes,” he says. “And if you decide that you can’t be with me afterwards, I completely understand.”

“Yeah, no. I ain’t gonna ditch you, Cas.” Dean puts down his empty bowl and scoots a tad closer; close enough that he can take Cas’ hand, after waiting for Cas to give him the go-ahead. The sensation of him rubbing a thumb over the back of Cas’ hand is soothing and it calms Cas enough to start talking.

“I met Arthur back in Chicago,” he says softly. “I was seventeen. He was eighteen. He was…he was perfect, Dean. He was everything you were…and more. That’s why I…have such trouble believing that you’re genuine. Hold on a moment.”

He gets up to grab a glass of water. Thankfully, Dean says nothing in that time and just waits for him to continue.

“I thought he was too good to be true at first. He was charming and swept me off my feet, always buying me gifts and showering attention and praise on me and teasing me about paying him back in kisses. At some point…that became his expectation.”

Cas takes a deep breath and gulps down some water.

“He changed so slowly, Dean. I didn’t realise until it was too late. He started blaming me for everything that went wrong…expecting me to give him sex whenever and however he wanted…I had to rearrange my whole life to suit him, yet he was free to do whatever he wanted…”

Cas looks down, blinking rapidly.

“One time, I caught him cheating on me. I got home early from work and found him naked in bed with a woman. Toni, her name was. I was ready to walk out on him but then…then he blamed _me_. He told me that I should have been a better boyfriend, that he’d felt neglected and needed to find satisfaction elsewhere, that none of this would have happened if I had just _been good enough_.”

“Christ…” Dean whispers. Cas draws in a shaky breath.

“I was lost after that. I did whatever he said. Let him use me however he wanted. I was…his. And that went on for a year. I shied away from everybody, did everything I could to make Arthur happy, and it _wasn’t enough_ , Dean, it was never enough! The only person who could stand to be around me was my cousin, Gabriel.”

Cas doesn’t realise that he’s crying until Dean gently brushes a thumb across his cheeks, touch light like he’s wary of spooking Cas. Cas sniffles and shuffles closer to Dean, who immediately wraps him in a tight hug and kisses the top of his head.

“He used to say that I was so precious,” Cas whispers into Dean’s shirt. “That I was so dear, that I was his darling. He used to call me those. And as time went on, I grew to _hate_ those names. I would flinch if he called me those. And he knew it. But then one day…I decided that I was going to leave him. I’d had enough. And…”

Cas’ breath hitches as images flash across his mind. He winces when phantom pain erupts in his jaw and he raises a hand to rub it, and he nearly flinches when he catches sight of the furious look on Dean’s face. Dean’s obviously guessed exactly what happened when he stood up to Arthur and announced that he was leaving.

“He didn’t take it well?” Dean says stiffly. Cas shakes his head.

“No. He tried to remind me that I was nothing without him. And I believed him, Dean. I really did. But I’d just reached my breaking point and I told him that I deserved far better and I was leaving. And that’s when he snapped.”

“And he went to jail, right? Tell me you took it to the cops.”

Cas shakes his head, sniffling.

“I just wanted to _leave_. I’d already arranged housing in Pontiac, with Gabriel’s help, and I just wanted Arthur out of my life. I – I kicked him into the wall, grabbed my bag, and…I ran. I didn’t stop until I was in my car. I didn’t even say goodbye to Gabriel because I knew how he would react upon seeing my face. And I didn’t want to burden him further. He’d already helped me _so_ much, Dean…without him, I would still be with Arthur. I wouldn’t have had the support I needed to leave.”

“Remind me to send your cousin a fuckin’ fruit basket,” Dean mutters. “If I ever run across this Arthur guy, I’m gonna punch his head in. I just – that’s so _wrong_ , what he did to you!”

“Not just my physical injuries but also my anxiety and trust issues,” Cas mumbles. “So I was in Pontiac and…I was happy and free. But I was also so lonely. I’d had companionship all my life – whether it be my family or Arthur – and now I was having to survive by myself. Gabriel still kept in touch but he never visited…I suspect he was scared that Arthur would want to come after me and wary of leading him to me.”

“And that’s when you met Meg?” Dean says. Cas nods.

“Originally, she was my roommate. She needed somewhere to stay and I was more than happy to help. But as time went on, I began to fall for her, and I eventually asked her out and we started dating. But…fidelity wasn’t her style. I knew all along that she was sleeping with other men, but I was so terrified of being alone again that I pretended I didn’t know. Then one night, we were out and a girl called Hannah began to flirt with me. I wasn’t interested in her but…Meg grew jealous.”

Dean doesn’t look very happy. Cas has to quickly remind himself that it’s not him Dean’s angry at.

“We had a terrible fight. I told her that she was sleeping with at least three other men and she told me that we were merely in a friends with benefits arrangement and she didn’t want to be romantically attached to me. So then I asked why I wasn’t allowed to flirt with Hannah and…she got so mad. She said that she didn’t want to share me, then lost her temper when I asked why I should have to share her. I should have walked out then, Dean. I should have. But…”

“You were terrified to be alone.” At some point, Dean had started stroking Cas on the back, and the motion is so soothing that Cas sags into him.

“Yes. I ignored her constant affairs and pretended that we were only in a sexual relationship. I forced myself to be emotionally distant. But that wasn’t good enough for her. She expected me to continue to dote on her. Finally…I’d had enough. She came home from her latest affair and I’d packed her bags and told her that she was to leave. She was so _mad_. The only reason she left was because I threatened to call the police. Then she came back a week later and grovelled and begged me to take her back, and I did. Until the next time I caught her cheating. But I didn’t have the courage to kick her out again, so I just packed my clothes and most valuable possessions one night and left.”

“Oh, Cas.” Dean kisses Cas on the head again and rocks him gently. “You’re so damn strong, you know? To make it through all that and still be the awesome person you are…”

Cas snorts loudly.

“From Meg, I ended up here. I realised that I had the power to pursue my interest in nature without the interference of my parents, so I contacted Gabriel and begged him for financial aid in completing a floristry course. I didn’t want to trouble him for housing funds, so I just lied and said that I had a place to stay when I was really sleeping on park benches and in other public places.”

The look on Dean’s face at learning that Cas had been homeless nearly breaks Cas’ heart. He’s convinced by now that Dean is genuine, that the man truly cares for him, but he also has to finish his tale. He’s never told _anybody_ about this. Not even Balthazar knows this much.

“I managed to get a job at the local Gas ‘n’ Sip, but it still wasn’t enough to pay rent. But one day, I ran into somebody. He took one look at me and asked me my name, and when I told him that I did have a job and I was studying, he declared that I was going to be staying with him. He’s still my closest friend to this day.”

Dean’s eyes widen.

“Balthazar,” he says in realisation. Cas nods.

“I owe so much to Gabriel and Balthazar. If not for them, I would never have opened Beelicious. The day I was handed the deed to my store…that was the best day of my life. And now that I had a stable income, I could afford my own apartment. So I thanked Balthazar for everything, promised to remain best friends, and I moved out.”

“Remind me to send Balthazar a fruit basket as well,” Dean says under his breath. Cas laughs quietly.

“Send him a sex basket. He’ll appreciate lube and toys more.”

“Nah. Then he’ll think that I’m hitting on him.”

Cas laughs louder at that and buries his face in the crook of Dean’s neck, inhaling the man’s scent. To be honest, he’s surprised that Dean’s still sticking around and hasn’t run away screaming yet.

“Inias was one of my customers. I…I fell for him instantly and I asked him out with jonquils. But that only lasted for a month. I was still a wreck, Dean. I was paranoid, secretive, clingy, convinced that Inias was going to betray me as Arthur and Meg had and that I was going to get my heart broken…and that’s what led to him leaving. He was a nice person and I drove him away.”

Cas exhales deeply.

“Well…now you know everything. Not even Balthazar knows all of that. If you want to run away, I won’t blame you.”

There’s silence for a long moment, in which Cas tenses.

“Cas…” Dean says in an odd voice. “Can I kiss you?”

Cas snorts.

“You don’t need to ask me that, Dean. I love kissing you.”

“I just wanted to be sure.”

Dean cups his face and stares deep into his eyes. Just as Cas is about to squirm, Dean leans forward and captures his lips in a soft, sweet kiss, and Cas’ breath hitches as his eyes flutter shut and he melts into the kiss.

It seems to go on forever, until they finally have to separate for air. Cas is lightheaded, hoping against hope that this means what he wants it to mean –

“Cas, talk. Tell me your boundaries and I won’t cross ‘em.”

Cas’ whole body lights up. Does that mean –?

“You’re staying?” he says in disbelief. Dean makes what looks like an aborted eyeroll and tugs Cas into a tight hug.

“You really thought I’d just pack up and leave? Cas, I’d be the biggest hypocrite if I did. I ain’t gonna leave you just because you got issues. I’m gonna stay and help you through them, ‘cause I really like you and I don’t want what we’ve got to end.”

Before he can stop himself, Cas tackles Dean and embraces him tightly, practically crying into his chest in happiness. Dean just laughs, stroking Cas’ back, and when Cas finally looks up, the sight of Dean’s lopsided smile makes him feel like he’s floating away.

“Boundaries,” Dean reminds him. “You gotta tell me what I can and can’t do.”

“I – anything we’ve done before. Really, anything except…all the way. I’m still not ready for that yet.”

Dean nods and kisses Cas.

“And I promise I’ll be more careful and pay more attention, Cas. If you say no, I’ll stop straight away.”

Cas just shakes his head wordlessly, then rests his head on Dean’s chest and closes his eyes.

“Thank you for not giving up on me, Dean.”

He feels Dean plant a kiss on the top of his head.

“Like I’m ever gonna do that, Cas.”


End file.
